SELF-ESTEEM: RAISING LOW SELF-ESTEEM

Self-Esteem

Possessing little self-regard can lead people to become depressed, to fall short of their potential, or to tolerate abusive situations and relationships. Too much self-love, on the other hand, results in an off-putting sense of entitlement and an inability to learn from failures. (It can also be a sign of clinical narcissism.) Perhaps no other self-help topic has spawned so much advice and so many (often conflicting) theories. Here are my best insights on how to strike a balance between accurate self-knowledge and respect for who you are.

Self-esteem reflects a person's overall subjective emotional evaluation of his or her own worth. It is a judgment of oneself as well as an attitude toward the self. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs about oneself, (for example, "I am competent", "I am worthy"), as well as emotional states, such as triumph, despair, pride, and shame. Smith and Mackie (2007) defined it by saying "The self-concept is what we think about the self; self-esteem, is the positive or negative evaluations of the self, as in how we feel about it.

Factors That Can Influence Self-Esteem

As you might imagine, there are different factors that can influence self-esteem. Genetic factors that help shape overall personality can play a role, but it is often our experiences that form the basis for overall self-esteem. Those who consistently receive overly critical or negative assessments from caregivers, family members, and friends, for example, will likely experience problems with low self-esteem.
Four types of self Esteem

1.     Low Self Esteem

2.     High Self Esteem

3.     Worthiness Based Self Esteem

4.     Competence Based Self Esteem

On the horizontal line sits your Competence. As you may remember, competence is how good your abilities are at doing something, whether it be your job, sport, or creating something. In this sense it’s an easily observed and rated behavior. In this case -10 is very poor performance and +10 is highly successful performance.
On the vertical line is Worthiness. It is more of an internal feeling about how good you feel about yourself as a person. The scale here goes from -10 being very depressed, self-hating state, to +10 having an extremely high sense of worth. “0” on each scale is average.
As you can see, this sets up 4 quadrants:

• Low Self Esteem: Low self-esteem is a negative evaluation of oneself. This type of evaluation usually occurs when some circumstance we encounter in our life touches on our sensitivities. We personalize the incident and experience physical, emotional, and cognitive arousal. This is so alarming and confusing that we respond by acting in a self-defeating or self-destructive manner. When that happens, our actions tend to be automatic and impulse-driven; we feel upset or emotionally blocked; our thinking narrows; our self-care deteriorates; we lose our sense of self; we focus on being in control and become self-absorbed. At -10,-10 sits a person who has a poor belief in both their self-worth and competence.  They basically have constant feelings of insecurity, are very cautious, timid, have poor initiative, avoid conflict, and suffer with a lot of anxiety and depression
• High Self Esteem: At +10,+10 is a person who has a good belief in their competence and worth. They generally feel good about themselves, are open to new experiences, feel accepted, and are pleasant to be around. They have a high competence level, which means they have the skill set to succeed in life, and show good mental health, happiness, and are secure in their own identity.
• Worthiness Based Self Esteem: +10,-10 Individuals that fit into this quadrant base their self esteem on how others view them and how they view themselves. They make up for their perceived lack of competence by denying shortcomings, minimizing failures, and surrounding themselves with people who accept them.
• Competence Based Self-Esteem: -10,+10 These individuals measure how they feel about themselves by their achievements and successes. They compensate for their lack of worth by exaggerating the importance of their successes

Difference Between Pride and Self-esteem

Often times, most people misinterpret Self esteem as pride. But Pride is very different from self-esteem. Pride is simply defined as one’s feelings of excessive self worth whereas self-esteem can be synonymous to self-worth, but not necessarily that high. Hence, self-esteem is a stable level of self-worth. It is rather the aggregate sum of one’s feelings of worthiness.

High self-esteem does not necessarily equate to pride. If you contest with anyone just to prove that you are right then that is pride. When you perform your dance really well in front of everybody because you believe that you are good then that is a show of high self-esteem. It is very much different compared to claiming that you are the best and that no one can defeat you in the dance. This misleading or misguiding thought makes the proud person suffer from, not just an overly high self-esteem (pride) but excessive amounts of it.

Raising low self-esteem

 

We all have times when we lack confidence and don’t feel good about ourselves, we are humans na, we are not Angels. But when low self-esteem becomes a long-term problem, it can have a harmful effect on our mental health and our lives.
Self-esteem is the opinion we have of ourselves. When we have healthy self-esteem, we tend to feel positive about ourselves and about life in general. It makes us able to deal with life’s ups and downs better.
When our self-esteem is low, we tend to see ourselves and our life in a more negative and critical light. We also feel less able to take on the challenges life throws at us.

What causes low self-esteem?

Low self-esteem often begins in childhood. Teachers, friends, siblings, parents, and even the media give us lots of messages – both positive and negative. But for some reason, the message that you are not good enough sticks.
You may have found it difficult to live up to other people’s expectations of you, or to your own expectations.
Stress and difficult life events, such as serious illness or a bereavement, can have a negative effect on self-esteem. Personality can also play a part. Some of us are simply more prone to negative thinking, while others set impossibly high standards for themselves. Now, whatever it is that can be your cause of your low self esteem, now is the time to raise your self esteem.

Ways to improve low self-esteem

FIND YOURSELF

As you get to this point of this article, take a break, drop your gadget, pick up the mirror, look into it, call your name three times, ask yourself “who I Epp?”

It’s very important for an individual with low self-esteem to communicate with himself or herself before taking progressive steps towards raising a low self-esteem.

Recognise what you are good at 

We are all good at something, whether it’s cooking, singing, doing puzzles or being a friend. We also tend to enjoy doing the things we are good at, which can help to boost your mood.

Build positive relationships

If you find certain people tend to bring you down, try to spend less time with them, or tell them how you feel about their words or actions. Seek out relationships with people who are positive and who appreciate you.

Be kind to yourself

Professor Williams advises: “Be compassionate to yourself. That means being gentle to yourself at times when you feel like being self-critical. Think what you’d say to encourage a friend in a similar situation. We often give far better advice to others than we do to ourselves.”

Learn to be assertive

Being assertive is about respecting other people’s opinions and needs, and expecting the same from them.
One trick is to look at other people who act assertively and copy what they do. “It’s not about pretending you’re someone you’re not,” says Professor Williams. “It’s picking up hints and tips from people you admire and letting the real you come out. There’s no point suddenly saying, ‘I’m going to be Chris Hoy’, but you might be able to get your bike out and do a bit of cycling for the first time in ages.”

Start saying 'no'

People with low self-esteem often feel they have to say yes to other people, even when they don’t really want to. The risk is that you become overburdened, resentful, angry and depressed.
“For the most part, saying no doesn’t upset relationships,” says Professor Williams. “It can be helpful to take a scratched-record approach. Keep saying no in different ways until they get the message.”

Give yourself a challenge

We all feel nervous or afraid to do things at times. People with healthy self-esteem don’t let these feelings stop them from trying new things or taking on challenges.
Set yourself a goal, such as joining an exercise class or going to a social occasion. Achieving your goals will help to increase your self-esteem. 

Conclusion:
 We all know that self-esteem can be an important part of success. Too little self-esteem can leave people feeling defeated or depressed. It can also lead people to make bad choices, fall into destructive relationships, or fail to live up to their full potential. But what about too much self-esteem? Narcissism can certainly be off-putting and can even damage personal relationships.
Self-esteem levels at the extreme high and low ends of the spectrum can be damaging, so the ideal is to strike a balance somewhere in the middle.

A realistic yet positive view of the self is often considered the ideal.